The Day I Ate Dog Food

OK, this can only happen to a mom.  Or a toddler.  Because a normal person doesn't eat dog food.  Not on purpose anyway.  You've probably never done something like this.  If you have, you understand my reaction.  If you haven't, stop reading now and keep your innocence!  And if you're my mother-in-law, don't read another word.  This story will make you gag!  

So I'm eating leftover pizza for breakfast, standing at the counter, talking with my husband.  Yes, you read that right.  I still live like a college kid when I can, eating pizza for breakfast (at least I heat it) and cereal for dinner.  But don't tell anyone because I'm married to this health nut guy who thinks all problems are solved (I'm sure he's right but don't tell him I said that) with the right vitamins and exercise.  I recently told him my shin hurt from hitting it and he told me I needed to work out.  :)

Anyway, the kids weren't up yet, so not only was I eating pizza for breakfast, while my husband ate his healthy egg and toast, I was SNEAKING it.  Because they were gonna get Cheerios.  I'm also a bit immature and don't share well. :)

So while enjoying my pizza and early morning chat with my spouse, I dropped a piece of pepperoni.  Now I fully embrace the 5 second rule, or I did before this day, so I grabbed it and popped it in my mouth.  And it crunched.  Not the crunch of over-cooked pepperoni.  The crunch of something that did not belong in my mouth.   

At first my mind tried to make sense of it.  Then my mouth rebelled.  Because, while all I could taste in that first crunch was pepperoni, my mind remembered that I had just fed the dog.  In that very spot.  And I'd dropped some dry dog food on the floor.  

Apparently when I scooped up my innocently delicious piece of pepperoni, I'd also scooped up the small piece of dog food that was under it.  So I'm starting to gag.  

As I mumble something about having just eaten a piece of dog food and proceed to spit out my mouthful in the trash, my supportive husband just stood there and laughed.  Laughed!  

After rinsing my mouth out repeatedly for probably 10 minutes, I actually could not eat another bite.  Every time I looked at the pepperoni I dry heaved!    Literally.  So part of me was lamenting wasted pizza while the other half wanted to go brush my teeth 15 times.  I did 3 times. 

I know most of you have no idea what I am talking about.  Thank your creator.  I feel as if my innocence was lost and I can no longer wonder what dog food tastes like.  Because it tastes like it smells.  I have no idea how the dog manages to get it down but I now am more than willing to feed him table scraps!