Always Late



Trauma in the making right there, folks! 
Lifelong fear of bunnies started at age 2! 
Is there a term for 'a phobia of large bunny
costumed person'?

 

 I'm perpetually late.  It's common knowledge among all family and friends.  I'm late to meetings, late to play dates, late for lunch, late for doctor appointments.  It began with my birth coming 8 days late and has continued as a trend in my adult life.  Now I've never been 8 DAYS late for something... OK, that's not true.  I have.  More than once.

It all began with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.  I have come to view these fictional characters as my nemesis in life.  When Gabby lost her first couple teeth, I remember waking up and hearing, "Mom, the tooth fairy forgot to come!"  Tony and I would look at each other with that deer in headlights look (not a great way to wake up)! 

That was when I began my lying habit...see how one sin just leads right to another?  :)  We told Gabby we were sure the Tooth Fairy just had too many teeth to collect and would be here tomorrow night.  Next morning?  Second verse, same as the first! 

So once when she was really late, about the 3rd tooth or so, she left a note in minuscule handwriting about what happened.  Now it totally worked.  The problem is, Gabby kept the note.  Remembered exactly what was said.  Next time we forgot, she brought up the note and we looked at her blankly.  Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive (always keep copies of fictional correspondence you give your kids!!).

So then comes Easter.  Gabby was about 8 or 9.  Easter had been a beautiful day.  We go to a friends house for dinner that night and they hand Gabby an Easter gift.  I broke out in a cold sweat as I realized, about 10 seconds before Gabby, that we had completely forgotten the Easter Bunny!  Now how in the world do you forget that, you ask?  No idea.  But we did!  I consider the day a success because Gabby didn't realize it until about 7:00 that night. ;)  So a week later, when the Easter Bunny finally made an appearance, he/she (not really sure about that one!) left a note describing how an unnamed bandit kidnapped him and he had to be rescued by Santa and the Tooth Fairy.  Once again we high fived each other when she bought it! 

At some point you'd think we'd have devised some sort of alarm system to remind us.  Do not ask me why it's those 2 that are so hard!  We never forget to prepare for a birthday or Christmas!  Can you picture us on Christmas morning..."Hey kids, we're guessing Santa got held up.  I'm sure he'll bring your gifts tomorrow.  C'mon, let's go eat breakfast."  Pretty sure we'd have a riot!




"Dear Tooth fairy, 
How are you?  We haven't heard from each other in a couple of years!!  Will you give me proof that you're the tooth fairy?  Like one of your shoes or something?  Can you give me lots of money too?  Thanks!
from, Gabby

 

It was almost a relief when Gabby realized that there was no Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny.  We got one whole year of reprieve.  Then came our little people. 

Between them, Will and Lydia have lost 18 teeth this year alone!  I mean really, for the love of Pete, give us a break!  Now I don't even bat an eyelash when I hear, "MOOOOM, the tooth fairy forgot to come!  Again!"  If I've had a cup of caffeine I answer sweetly to just be patient, she's very busy.  If not, I tell them to go back to bed, they must be dreaming. 

 Tony on the other hand has gotten very smooth.  With Will's last tooth, he said, "Are you sure?  You should look again." while leaning down, swiping the tooth from under the pillow, and depositing a quarter.  "Wow!  She is so fast!  She came while I was in the bathroom!" was Will's response when he looked and found the quarter 10 seconds later.  Yeah, Tony about dislocated something patting himself on the back with that one! 

When Easter rolled around this year, we pondered just telling the kids there was no Easter Bunny.  I mean really, we don't eat sugar so they don't get candy in their baskets.  We want them to focus on the actual meaning of Easter which is Christ, not on getting gifts in a basket from a large bunny.  But we remembered eating peeps, hunting for eggs as kids, and pondering the make-up of that goop inside of Cadbury Eggs; and decided to just go with it.  We were leaving town for Savannah the Friday before Easter, so my brilliant plan was to have it all ready and hidden for when we came on Easter night.  And then I forgot all about it. 



Easter Bunny attacks children for jelly beans!  News at 11!

Yep, you know where this is going.  So we're halfway to Savannah when I remember.  Easter baskets in some box in the basement.  Easter goodies still at the store waiting for me to purchase them.  Hmmm.  So I figure I'll get something while we're in Savannah and have Easter in the hotel room.  Nope.  Forgot about that too. 

Sooo, we arrive home a bit late.  Kids all wake up as soon as we pull in the driveway and immediately start looking for Easter baskets in the house.  Will decides they must be hidden somewhere.  Gabby replays the Easter Bunny kidnapping incidence with such brilliance that Lydia spends the next week worried about the Easter Bunny's safety! 

Everyday that week they got up and hunted all over for their baskets.  And every day I woke up and remembered that we'd forgotten to get them.  ARGH!!  So finally Tony stopped on his way home one night and hit the end of season Easter section of Walmart.  He only spent about $10-$15 on all 3 kids baskets and toys to put in them.  After that I've decided that all future Easter Bunnies are coming a week late!  ;)  Of course we had to hide them in places they hadn't looked yet to maintain the story!    

All I have to say, is the next time I'm late to meet you for coffee, just be glad you aren't one of my kids.  You could be waiting for the Easter Bunny a long time! :)